Picking Up the Peaces

Consequences come in all shapes and sizes and from all different directions. One consequence that I'm dealing with now is from not following my "gut" over the years. I noticed that my son had ADHD-like behaviors and tendencies years ago. I always thought I should get him evaluated so he could have a diagnosis. My husband, on the other hand, seemed to be in denial. I always thought it was because my husband felt, "If my son has it, then I have it, so he can't have it." Why did I believe this? Because, over the years, I would mention a specific behavior, or self-control or focus issue that my son had, and my husband would say, "He doesn't have ADHD, I was just like that at his age," or, "He's just like other boys. I know because I had those same behaviors when I was that age." What was I supposed to conclude after years of these comments? He would also say things like, "I don't want him labeled and medicated." I trie...

It's been a long time since, but I used to have a voice. It's been silenced for so long that it's been a struggle to find it. I've been searching for it for a while now. Everyone has a voice. Sometimes, it gets buried among all the stresses and pressures of life. Sometimes, it gets taken away by those we love. Sometimes, we hide it in order to protect it or ourselves. Sadly, some people never find that voice again. Lately, I've been trying so hard to pull mine out from under the rubble of what remains of my shattered life. Among the rubble, I've found bits and pieces over the last few weeks. Some of the pieces are battered and bruised. Other pieces are ragged and thin, but I'm finding them. I'm pulling them out and mending them as best I can. Some of them are permanently damaged, but usable. Other pieces have been completely restored. Some of them are going to continue to require maintenance until they can maintain themselves. What is my voice? It...

PIECES OF ME Somewhere along the way, some of the pieces that I lost were pieces of who I was. I used to be confident, happy, and enjoyed doing things and being active. At some point, I lost that. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could start writing again. I've always enjoyed writing, and am pretty good at it. I've started many stories that some people are still waiting for the ending of. I've always had a love of words, and enjoyed reading. Now, I have a hard time sitting for a lengthy period of time and reading. Instead, I watch movies, or shows, and play games. This is how I escape and avoid feeling and thinking. When I'm writing, I have to think and I have to feel. I've never been very good about writing in a journal. I've had the same journal since I was 12. I have added pages, but now I'm almost 39 and still using the same journal. Granted, I've used other journals along the way as well, but this main journal has major gaps ...

Have you ever been working on a jigsaw puzzle and, all of a sudden, someone comes along and puts it away, or destroys it? Then, sometimes, the pieces end up all over the floor and they need to be picked up, but you won't know if you got all of the pieces until you try to put the puzzle together again, because there are 1000 pieces to this puzzle? I hate it when that happens. It's so frustrating because those pieces are so difficult to place anyway! It's especially frustrating when you've been working on this puzzle for hours, or even days, and this happens. You are almost done, and you can see how close you are to finishing, and then BAM! all that hard work feels like it was a waste of time. Life is like a puzzle. You spend hours, days, years, and even decades trying to make sure all the pieces fit in correctly, and then BAM! something happens that causes all the pieces to fall on the floor. You think your life is going pretty well, and you're doing pretty good,...