Picking Up the Peaces

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been thinking about all the buried feelings I have and trying to figure out how to dig them out. One night, I actually wrote this in my journal (I haven't been much of a journal-er): The mighty towers loom around me. The Redwood-thick walls protect me. I feel trapped. Every time I open the gate of the mighty fortress, a siege awaits me. I keep opening the gate and my wounds are multiplying. They start to heal and I open the gate again. The wounds are getting deeper. They start to heal so I open the gate again. The wounds become infected. I close the gate. I need time to recover and heal. I keep the gate closed. There's a gentle knock at the gate. I'm terrified to open it. The knock comes again. Dare I open it once again? I climb to the top of the wall and look down. It is The Physician. It is the Master Healer. It is the Savior. I know He wants to help me. I know He wants to heal ...

Consequences come in all shapes and sizes and from all different directions. One consequence that I'm dealing with now is from not following my "gut" over the years. I noticed that my son had ADHD-like behaviors and tendencies years ago. I always thought I should get him evaluated so he could have a diagnosis. My husband, on the other hand, seemed to be in denial. I always thought it was because my husband felt, "If my son has it, then I have it, so he can't have it." Why did I believe this? Because, over the years, I would mention a specific behavior, or self-control or focus issue that my son had, and my husband would say, "He doesn't have ADHD, I was just like that at his age," or, "He's just like other boys. I know because I had those same behaviors when I was that age." What was I supposed to conclude after years of these comments? He would also say things like, "I don't want him labeled and medicated." I trie...

PIECES OF ME Somewhere along the way, some of the pieces that I lost were pieces of who I was. I used to be confident, happy, and enjoyed doing things and being active. At some point, I lost that. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could start writing again. I've always enjoyed writing, and am pretty good at it. I've started many stories that some people are still waiting for the ending of. I've always had a love of words, and enjoyed reading. Now, I have a hard time sitting for a lengthy period of time and reading. Instead, I watch movies, or shows, and play games. This is how I escape and avoid feeling and thinking. When I'm writing, I have to think and I have to feel. I've never been very good about writing in a journal. I've had the same journal since I was 12. I have added pages, but now I'm almost 39 and still using the same journal. Granted, I've used other journals along the way as well, but this main journal has major gaps ...