Picking Up the Peaces

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been thinking about all the buried feelings I have and trying to figure out how to dig them out. One night, I actually wrote this in my journal (I haven't been much of a journal-er): The mighty towers loom around me. The Redwood-thick walls protect me. I feel trapped. Every time I open the gate of the mighty fortress, a siege awaits me. I keep opening the gate and my wounds are multiplying. They start to heal and I open the gate again. The wounds are getting deeper. They start to heal so I open the gate again. The wounds become infected. I close the gate. I need time to recover and heal. I keep the gate closed. There's a gentle knock at the gate. I'm terrified to open it. The knock comes again. Dare I open it once again? I climb to the top of the wall and look down. It is The Physician. It is the Master Healer. It is the Savior. I know He wants to help me. I know He wants to heal ...

Recently, I had a birthday. Let's face it, it sucked big time. I've had sucky birthdays before, but this one ranks right up there as the suckiest. My husband was supposed to have the day off, but, due to lack of follow through by some people (my husband being one of them), he ended up having to work. This means he hasn't had a day off this week. I had plans, things I wanted to get done that day. Events leading up to my birthday were huge disappointments and an embarrassment. That's right, my husband embarrassed me, our family, and even his business because he has always sucked at follow-through, and this was a huge thing. The night before my birthday, I just couldn't even talk to him more than I absolutely had to. He slept on the couch without me even asking him to. It's hard to focus on the progress he's made when he has neglected huge things. It's so frustrating sometimes because he asks me to remind him to do things, and then complains that I'm ...

We all have expectations. We have expectations for life, our children, our job, our family, school, the government, church, and our marriage. We have expectations for everything. Some of those expectations are unrealistic. Some of those expectations are low, and some are high. Some of the expectations are necessities. As we age and experience life some of those expectations change. I used to expect that I would be a good housekeeper, and then I had children and life happened. Now, I know that I'm not the best housekeeper, and I don't expect my house to be clean all the time. There are times when I want, or need, my house to be clean. I used to expect myself to be a good wife, and always meet my husbands needs. Well, I am a good wife, and I have always tried to meet my husband's needs. Little did I know, I could never meet his "needs" because he had unrealistic expectations of me, so his "needs" were unrealistic.This has been heartbreaking. I always e...