Picking Up the Peaces

PIECES OF ME Somewhere along the way, some of the pieces that I lost were pieces of who I was. I used to be confident, happy, and enjoyed doing things and being active. At some point, I lost that. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could start writing again. I've always enjoyed writing, and am pretty good at it. I've started many stories that some people are still waiting for the ending of. I've always had a love of words, and enjoyed reading. Now, I have a hard time sitting for a lengthy period of time and reading. Instead, I watch movies, or shows, and play games. This is how I escape and avoid feeling and thinking. When I'm writing, I have to think and I have to feel. I've never been very good about writing in a journal. I've had the same journal since I was 12. I have added pages, but now I'm almost 39 and still using the same journal. Granted, I've used other journals along the way as well, but this main journal has major gaps ...

My D-day, as some people call it, was so long ago that I don't even remember the exact date. All I really remember about the time frame is that it was sometime between my first and second child. My husband admitted to me that he had been viewing pornography and masturbating. He disclosed this as we were lying in bed ready to go to sleep. After he confessed, he went right to sleep. I was up pretty much all night. At first, I remember lying in bed stunned by his confession. Then I remember starting to cry, so I left our bedroom and went downstairs to the living room. I had so many thoughts go through my head. I know most women get angry. I don't think I felt the anger. I felt devastated. Surprisingly, I felt compassion. One thing that kept going through my head was, "I can't leave him to fight this alone." I don't know where the thought came from. Maybe it was God's way of telling me that I needed to stick this out, and to not make a decision about anythin...