Finding all the Pieces

Have you ever been working on a jigsaw puzzle and, all of a sudden, someone comes along and puts it away, or destroys it? Then, sometimes, the pieces end up all over the floor and they need to be picked up, but you won't know if you got all of the pieces until you try to put the puzzle together again, because there are 1000 pieces to this puzzle? I hate it when that happens. It's so frustrating because those pieces are so difficult to place anyway! It's especially frustrating when you've been working on this puzzle for hours, or even days, and this happens. You are almost done, and you can see how close you are to finishing, and then BAM! all that hard work feels like it was a waste of time.

Life is like a puzzle. You spend hours, days, years, and even decades trying to make sure all the pieces fit in correctly, and then BAM! something happens that causes all the pieces to fall on the floor. You think your life is going pretty well, and you're doing pretty good, and someone comes along and pushes the table. Sometimes, you had previously worked on this puzzle and it had been knocked off the table, and all the pieces went flying. You were pretty sure that you had all the pieces picked up, you thought everything was resolved, but then you get close to the end, and you just can't find those few pieces. 

You start looking under the tables and chairs, and even under the rug. You look in the couch, and under your bed and you still can't find them. Suddenly, you find out that everything wasn't resolved. You discover that you had actually put the pieces into your pants pocket, and they went through the wash, even though you were told that all the pieces were picked up. You discover that you had actually been deceived and lied to about where the pieces were. You discover that you were not crazy in thinking that you had gotten those pieces. Then you find out that you are not the only one looking for those pieces. You are not the only one who had been deceived by someone you trusted with your life. 

It's very therapeutic and validating to find out that you are not alone in your frustration and anger. It's very validating to find out that the feelings you forgot you'd had, because it was so long ago, were actually very real, and very normal for what happened. It's also validating to find out that the reason you felt stuck is because of what happened and the emotions that came with the event, that had never been dealt with. Then, after this amazing discovery, you find out that there is hope, that you can find peace again, after feeling in turmoil for so long. It's comforting to see other people who have been through the fire too, and to see them coming out the other side with very little permanent damage. 

There has been damage, of course, but it's been carefully nursed back to almost new condition. The damage was deep, and to see that you can barely notice a scar gives so much hope to someone who is just finding out that there is a way out. It won't be easy, it never is, but there is a way. You have to dig deep to get all of the debris out of the wounds, so it will definitely be painful. The wounds have to be cleaned with an antiseptic, sometimes, over and over again. 

The wounds have to be carefully bandaged, and then examined by a professional to make sure that they are healing properly. If they find a wound not healing properly, they might need to go back in and find more debris to dig out. It's a painful process and far from being a speedy process. Then after the original healing, there is the reconstruction. This part isn't fun either. 

Sometimes, it takes even longer than the original healing. Sometimes, we are slow to catch on to the extreme care and gentleness we are supposed to take with this process. Sometimes, we get an infection, and we have to almost start over. Sometimes, we get it right the first time, and sometimes we get it right the 100th time. Then, when it's all over, after all the reconstruction, you come out even more radiant and beautiful than you were before. You didn't get there alone. No one can get there alone. With help from the right people, you can come out more radiant and beautiful than ever before. 

This blog is about the journey I'm taking to find all of the pieces to the puzzle. This blog is about my healing and recovery process, and trying to find the peace that I am searching for.