Super Mom

***CPAP MACHINE UPDATE: I got my machine on Monday. I've been trying to wear it not in bed so I can get used to it. That's one of the tips I got, "Use it while you're sitting there watching TV." Unfortunately, I don't really have time to watch TV, so I've been trying to use it for at least half an hour while I work on my school work. 

Monday night, I was having a hard time catching my breath. Tuesday night, I tried using my inhaler before I went to bed. That didn't help. 

Last night, I took two generic Benadryl. That helped me relax some. Then I listened to some sleep meditation with some music. That seemed to help even more. Sadly, I didn't get to sleep until almost 2:00 AM. 

Tonight, I'm going to try something else to help me relax and get to bed earlier. I know I just have to get used to it, so I'm going to keep trying.***

Super Mom Breaks Down

I'm a few days behind on pretty much everything but early on one thing. I'm early on my weekly emotional breakdown. 

Since my husband left to go out of state for work, I've held it together all week. Then, on the weekend, usually Saturday night or Sunday, I have an emotional breakdown. All the stress and anxiety and whatever comes pouring out of me and doesn't stop for at least an hour. 

It usually lasts for about 20 to 30 minutes. That's about how long this one lasted. It was brought on by someone else trying to add one more thing to my plate, because I don't have enough on it already. 

Super Mom's Plate Isn't That Big!

It's like Thanksgiving growing up. There were 10 of us kids (I know, that's a lot). We learned early that you take what you're going to eat on your first trip, because, most likely, there won't be any of the good stuff left on your second trip. 

You want to fit it all on your plate, so you get your turkey, then some mashed potatoes (always homemade) and gravy. Then the stuffing, corn, rolls, salad, and jello salad. 

Finally, you get to the relish tray. I think the only person in my family that doesn't like pickles is my mom, so if you want pickles, you better take about five or six of them. 

Olives? Those Costco-size (I don't think they had Costco where we grew up, but it's the same size) cans probably weren't enough olives for my family. If you want olives, you better take at least 10 of them on your firsts, or you wouldn't get any (possibly because everyone was taking about 10 on their firsts). 

We usually used the good china for Thanksgiving. We had a bread plate for the rolls and a salad plate, but everything else had to fit on the dinner plate. 

Right now, my bread plate and my roll plate are already full. My dinner plate is full too, but stuff keeps getting piled on. This kid needs new shoes. This one needs counseling. This one needs a well-check. 

As it is, I've already had to reschedule two of my kids' appointments so they didn't interfere with other appointments that were more urgent or came up without the other being on the correct calendar. 

My plate is brimming and food is still being piled on. I can't eat that much. My stomach isn't THAT big!

My kids and their needs are enough for me, I don't need other people adding to my plate. I keep trying to tell them to stop, but they won't listen to me. I try to tell them that I can't eat this all by myself, but they're just like, "Eat mine so it looks like I ate my dinner, so I can have dessert." 

I DON'T WANT YOUR DINNER!!! I don't even want anymore of my own. 

Super Mom Wears A Toilet Paper Cape

My grades are starting to suffer, which stresses me out. 

My house stays clean for about an hour, or, even better, one part gets clean and another part gets destroyed at the same time. 

I'm starting to think I should have dropped a couple of my classes. Then I wonder which ones I should have dropped and I remember how close I am to being done.

I'm going to have to let this semester be the one that I don't get A's in all of my classes. 

*SIGH*

The other day, one of my friends in my support group told me I was super mom. I responded with, "Thanks. Though I think my cape is made of toilet paper right now." I might be wearing the uniform, but my cape is shredding in the wind. 

I hope, at least, I feel better after this breakdown.

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