Disappointment
Recently, I had a birthday. Let's face it, it sucked big time. I've had sucky birthdays before, but this one ranks right up there as the suckiest. My husband was supposed to have the day off, but, due to lack of follow through by some people (my husband being one of them), he ended up having to work. This means he hasn't had a day off this week. I had plans, things I wanted to get done that day. Events leading up to my birthday were huge disappointments and an embarrassment. That's right, my husband embarrassed me, our family, and even his business because he has always sucked at follow-through, and this was a huge thing. The night before my birthday, I just couldn't even talk to him more than I absolutely had to. He slept on the couch without me even asking him to.
It's hard to focus on the progress he's made when he has neglected huge things. It's so frustrating sometimes because he asks me to remind him to do things, and then complains that I'm nagging him (seriously, I don't even use a condescending tone when I remind him), so I've stopped reminding him more than once. I'm ready for him to have a smartphone just so that he can put reminders in it for everything he needs to do.
We've got a full disclosure coming up in January, and I don't think he'll be ready for it. I'm confident that there won't be too many surprises, but I'm still going to have my therapist there. I haven't heard anything or seen anything demonstrating that he's made contact with his counselor about this disclosure. I need to know the whole truth. I'm tired of feeling lied to. Oh, I believe he is sober as many days as he says he is, but I still feel like he's not telling me some things that he should be telling me. I feel like I'm being lied to. His recent actions have me worried that he's going to relapse. I'm worried that has inability to follow through is going to be a huge issue in our marriage, since it has been in the past.
He once told me that he doesn't like to commit to things, even small things, because he doesn't want to let people down. He's already made a huge commitment that he hasn't stayed committed to, and I don't think he realizes how ironic that statement is. When he told me that, I thought, "So why the heck did you commit to a marriage?" Marriage is a huge commitment. It takes a lot of work from both parties involved.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm the one who's done all the work in the marriage. Really, it feels like I take care of everything from the kids to the house to the finances. Sure, he brings home the bacon, but I'm usually the one who makes sure that bacon is divvied out to the entities it needs to be divvied out to. It's been this way almost our entire marriage. Recently, he has put forth some effort to take care of some of the bills, but I still end up making sure some of the other bills get paid.
It's hard to focus on the progress he's made when he has neglected huge things. It's so frustrating sometimes because he asks me to remind him to do things, and then complains that I'm nagging him (seriously, I don't even use a condescending tone when I remind him), so I've stopped reminding him more than once. I'm ready for him to have a smartphone just so that he can put reminders in it for everything he needs to do.
We've got a full disclosure coming up in January, and I don't think he'll be ready for it. I'm confident that there won't be too many surprises, but I'm still going to have my therapist there. I haven't heard anything or seen anything demonstrating that he's made contact with his counselor about this disclosure. I need to know the whole truth. I'm tired of feeling lied to. Oh, I believe he is sober as many days as he says he is, but I still feel like he's not telling me some things that he should be telling me. I feel like I'm being lied to. His recent actions have me worried that he's going to relapse. I'm worried that has inability to follow through is going to be a huge issue in our marriage, since it has been in the past.
He once told me that he doesn't like to commit to things, even small things, because he doesn't want to let people down. He's already made a huge commitment that he hasn't stayed committed to, and I don't think he realizes how ironic that statement is. When he told me that, I thought, "So why the heck did you commit to a marriage?" Marriage is a huge commitment. It takes a lot of work from both parties involved.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm the one who's done all the work in the marriage. Really, it feels like I take care of everything from the kids to the house to the finances. Sure, he brings home the bacon, but I'm usually the one who makes sure that bacon is divvied out to the entities it needs to be divvied out to. It's been this way almost our entire marriage. Recently, he has put forth some effort to take care of some of the bills, but I still end up making sure some of the other bills get paid.
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