What I Need and Expectations

We all have expectations. We have expectations for life, our children, our job, our family, school, the government, church, and our marriage. We have expectations for everything. Some of those expectations are unrealistic. Some of those expectations are low, and some are high. Some of the expectations are necessities. As we age and experience life some of those expectations change. I used to expect that I would be a good housekeeper, and then I had children and life happened. Now, I know that I'm not the best housekeeper, and I don't expect my house to be clean all the time. There are times when I want, or need, my house to be clean.

I used to expect myself to be a good wife, and always meet my husbands needs. Well, I am a good wife, and I have always tried to meet my husband's needs. Little did I know, I could never meet his "needs" because he had unrealistic expectations of me, so his "needs" were unrealistic.This has been heartbreaking.

I always expected my husband to meet my needs. I thought I knew what they were. In the midst of my pain and trauma, I have discovered what I need from my husband. I know that I will not have these needs met right away, but I know that he is capable of meeting them as he continues to work recovery and maintains complete sobriety. In the meantime, I have temporarily lowered my expectations of him.

I have realized the difference between what I want and what I need. What I want is probably unrealistic for now. It could change in the future, but for the right now, I am focusing on what I need. I need safety. I need a safe place to share my emotions. I need a safe place to lay my head at night. I need safe people to talk to when I am at my lowest. I need to know that I am safe with my husband.

I need a husband who will protect me and who will fight for me. I need a husband who will embrace me for everything that I am, faults and all. I need a husband who will put me and my children way ahead of his parents and siblings (and everyone else but God) on his priority list. I need a husband who is willing to do everything in his power so that his family (his wife and kids) will be safe.

I need a husband who will provide for his family and see that they have the things they need to thrive in this life. I need a husband who realizes that I love him no matter what and I want to spend eternity with him. I need a husband who will stand up for me and protect me. I need a husband who sees emotions as a gift from God, not as something that should never be experienced or felt.

I want my husband to be that man. I want to spend eternity with him.

It will take time for him to be able to provide these needs. While I wait, I will work on becoming who I am meant to be. I will work on becoming who God wants me and needs me to be. It's a rough road with deep ruts in it. It's not an smooth process, but in the end, I will be the best me I can be.

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