Picking Up the Peaces

Nobody's perfect. That's what they say. I get it. I can't be perfect, but that doesn't mean I can't try. In fact, we should all be striving to become perfect, "even as our Father in Heaven is perfect." Of course, some of us *ahem* might take this a little too far and become what one may call a "Perfectionist." I admit. In some instances, I am one of those. I am a perfectionist. Well, like I said, in some instances anyway. I was having a conversation with my teenage son the other day. We were talking about how difficult it was for me to turn in a group project, for school, that was full of grammatical and spelling errors. I only did it because I wanted to give my group members a chance to take be accountable for their own work. My son made the observation that I couldn't write poorly if I tried. I contemplated that for a bit and came to the conclusion that he was right. I take too much pride in the work I produce. I don't think I cou...

So often I hear people comment about how strong I am. My own sisters have told me how they admire how I can hold it together through everything I've gone through and am going through. Sometimes, I feel that strength. Sometimes, I can hold it together. Then, I crumble. Like the last cookie in the bag, I break in tiny little pieces. I lose faith. I don't have the strength to keep going. I don't have the desire to keep going. I want to give up. I want to be done. Can I just be through with this trial already? Through the tears, I ask God why. I ask Him how much longer I need to hang on through this. I don't know the answer. It rarely comes in that instant. Sometimes, I don't think the answer comes at all. So I get back up. I brush myself off. I wipe away the tears and put myself back together again. I gather my courage and go on. The most difficult part of all of it? Not knowing when the hopelessness will strike again. How long until I l...

Okay, I know this is an odd day for me to post, but this has been on my mind for a couple of weeks and I haven't sat down to get it out until today. Today, I am struggling to focus on getting things done that need to be done. Yesterday, I got so much accomplished. Today, not so much, so I thought I'd start with getting this out of my head. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but a bishop once said that "All wives of porn addicts have anger issues." When I first heard that, I was livid (ironic, I know), but now that I think about it, I don't think it's anger issues, as much as we legitimately have the right to be angry. Who wouldn't be? For me, the man I thought I married wasn't the man that I married. The man who sat across the altar from me and made covenants with God, in front me and a whole bunch of witnesses, didn't keep those covenants. In fact, he pretty much broke every single one of them. The man I thought loved me unconditionally...